We returned from our first baby appointment in September, and John got right back to work on the van build. It was taking him longer to finish than we expected, but in a way I think it was a blessing in disguise. I felt like shit during my early first trimester—way worse than my pregnancy with Whitney. Eating was a job and I was so tired every day, often napping for two hours, thankfully I was not throwing up, just nauseous and tired all day every day. I needed to the stability and ease of home during this. Meanwhile, we were still integrating June into our family and potty training her; she was still so tiny and new.
How is it that we’re already approaching Whitney June’s first birthday? Never has time moved so fast yet so slow. I’ll never forget last New Year’s Day, 2018. Waking up January 1 brought me more excitement than ever before because it meant one thing: baby due date month had finally arrived. I had a gratitude journal that was gifted to me and it was built out like a calendar where you’d fill in one thing each day, and pretty much all of my January 2018 entries leading up to the 25th were baby-related gratitude entries. As the days got closer, the excitement grew.
We flew out to Nashville in September for our first appointment since we weren’t ready to leave in the van yet. From there, we explored the area and places we might live then drove to Kentucky to our new OB’s house where we’d stay for a night, before the appointment. In fact, she even drove us to the appointment! Talk about personalized care. By the way, I’m going to call her by her name, Janine, at this point.
During our summer vanlife trip, we stopped at one of my friend/clients’ house in southwest Kentucky when we were en route to a wedding in Chattanooga, Tenn. This one stop would have more impact on our future than we ever realized at the time.
I felt the need to take a break from writing publicly in order to privately focus on a new chapter that’s begun for us: pregnancy after loss.
Yes, I am pregnant again and we found out in August (due May 3, 2019). It happened relatively fast. We were advised to wait 6 months after Whitney’s birth to get pregnant again, and that’s basically what happened—my last menstrual period for this pregnancy (i.e. pregnancy Day 1) began two days after her 6-month birthday. Considering it took 8 months of trying and trying to get pregnant with Whitney, I was shocked to get a positive test as early as August. I was mentally gearing up for another long road of TTC ahead… But alas, the universe had other plans for us this time and words can’t even fully express my gratitude for that gift.
Our lives all brightened a little more on July 27 when our new rescue puppy, June, came home to us. She’s been with us for over four weeks now and I can say with confidence, if you’ve experienced baby loss, consider adopting a dog (even if you already have one). My friend who also lost her baby boy in January adopted a pup shortly after their loss, and she said he “saved my life.” After getting June, I now understand what she means. There’s a lot of power in the love of a dog.
It’s now been more than a month since we’ve been stationed back at home, and it’s been a rollercoaster to say the least.